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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27699695">Trying To Put It Into Words</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr'>soul_writerr</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Domestic, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Happy, Introspection, M/M, Married Barisi, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Writer!Rafael</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:00:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,825</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27699695</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’ve had your day in court, Rafael,” Sonny said. “You’ve been judged, all your actions scrutinized. You laid your heart out on that stand, and they found you not guilty. This is your story, let it inspire other people, let them see that there was a heart in the criminal justice system.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Barisi Professions Bingo</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Trying To Put It Into Words</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have so much to say I don't even the words! This is my 100th barisi fic and I've reached 500k words posted for this ship. That's HALF A MILLION WORDS. I gotta tell you, that feels like an achievement and a half *wink* It was just a little over two years ago that I dared to post my first little story and now here we are! I feel like I've grown so much since then and my life has changed in ways I wouldn't believe then.</p>
<p>And I have to thank everyone who's ever commented, kudoed, hyped up these stories. All of them come from my heart and I've made a conscious effort to get a little better every time. So it's only right that this one features Rafael as a writer (maybe I projected a little bit of myself but tbh I always do lmao). And the title, in classic Kat style, comes from a Taylor Swift song named You're In Love, which inspired the overall idea of this, particularly the second half of the story. </p>
<p>Go give it a listen, it's got a very strong Barisi vibes. Thank you again, all of you! MWAH Enjoy</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Rafael leaned sideways, trying to look around the woman who was standing in front of him, and he could not believe how far the line went. He couldn’t see much, the crowd was large and animated as they chatted, but he managed to catch a glimpse of the door, which had been left permanently open as more people piled on the sidewalk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked down at the book the woman had placed in front of him, a wave of dissonance running through him momentarily as he, once again, read his own name on the cover. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael had signed his name so many times in the past two hours that he didn’t even recognize it anymore, and he was glad he argued against putting his face on the cover. Looking at the banners of his blown-up author photo scattered all around the bookshop was more than enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked up at the young woman in front of him with his best smile and quickly signed the copy she’d bought, then slid the book back across the table that separated them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you so much,” she said. “Again, it’s such an honor to meet you. I just graduated last year and I followed so many of your cases for class assignments. Did the Cain case make it into the book?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael chuckled. “Check the first line.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The lady threw him a puzzled look and opened the book, turning to the first page. She read, then let out a delighted laugh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Off to a great start,” she said. “Thank you, Mr. Barba.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you. Enjoy,” he waved his goodbyes as she stepped away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she left, clutching the book to her chest, Rafael opened his mouth to greet the next person in line, but the words got stuck in his throat when he saw the bright blue eyes of the other man looking down at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked so handsome, tall and lean, with a boyish smile that showed his cute dimples. The man approached the table with confident steps, eyeing Rafael in a way that made him tremble. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, there,” the man said, setting his copy of the book on the table. “It’s so great to see you. I’m a huge admirer, Mr. Barba.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael smiled back at him, giddy. “Thank you for coming. Who should I make this out to?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sonny,” he said, ducking his head shyly. “Your number one fan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Number one?,” Rafael teased, opening the title page to sign it. If he made this particular inscription a little longer than the others that was for him to know and for Sonny to find out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Sonny grinned. “I’ve read every single one of your cases, attended a few trials, too. You’re a force, Counselor.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that right? A </span>
  <em>
    <span>few</span>
  </em>
  <span>?,” Rafael smirked. “Which case was your favorite, then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny immediately perked up, all warm eagerness and dimpled smiles. God, but it was endearing to see the way he widened his stance and started gesticulating as he spoke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I think everything you did was remarkable,” he said, his flirtatious tone getting more obvious. “But I’d say I’m partial to the Hodda trial.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael laughed lightly. He should have guessed. “That was a tough one. The judge declared it a mistrial, but I had a great co-council.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny shrugged. “It’s nice to see that even the great ones work well in teams.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You mean it humbled me,” he teased.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your words,” he </span>
  <em>
    <span>winked</span>
  </em>
  <span>, how charming. “Thank you so much, Mr. Barba. I hope to see you around some other time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you will,” Rafael flirted back, twisting his wedding band on his finger and letting it catch the light. “And it’s Barba-Carisi, actually.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny’s smile turned positively blinding at that, and he ducked his head in acknowledgement as he took his book back and stepped away. Rafael watched Sonny leave until he lost sight of him when he walked through one of the doors on the far back of the shop. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the next person in line approached the table, Rafael found that he felt a lot more refreshed. Just seeing Sonny had helped him pick up some new wind, and the next hour passed in a blur of hellos and thank yous and goodbyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael wasn’t sure how many books he signed that morning, he’d have to ask management later, but most of the people that came to meet him were either Law students or newly graduated, and there was something very pleasing about knowing he was influencing young lawyers to take a long, hard look at themselves and their morals before walking up the courthouse steps.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m writing my final thesis on this book,” one of the wide-eyed students had said, and Rafael quickly scribbled his email address down on his copy of the book.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, email me if you need anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The last person on the line was an older woman, a defense attorney Rafael vaguely remembered seeing down the hallways on his court days. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never meant to work for the defense,” she told him, but she didn’t exactly sound apologetic about it. “But things happened and, well, the rest is history.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael nodded. “Sometimes that’s all there is to it,” he replied, just as matter-of-factly. “Other times, we have to wonder how we let it just </span>
  <em>
    <span>happen</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Enjoy the book.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think I will,” she laughed lightly. “I think this is going to hand it to me harder than I’d like.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I really hope so,” he smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael’s knees popped when he stood up and he winced, checking his watch to see how long he’d been sitting there for. It’d been over four hours, and suddenly he felt exhausted, hungry, and fulfilled all at once. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He made his way to the door at the back of the shop, the one he’d seen Sonny walk through about an hour ago, and he could hear his animated voice before he even opened it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny was chatting excitedly with Elana and Olivia, holding a glass of water in one hand and a bag of pretzels in the other. He turned to Rafael as he walked in, and offered both to him. Rafael took it gladly, downing the water in one go and popping a couple pretzels in his mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as Sonny’s hands were free, he wrapped both his arms around Rafael and pulled him closer, dropping a </span>
  <em>
    <span>smack</span>
  </em>
  <span> of a kiss on his cheek. Olivia chuckled at the display of affection, and Rafael threw her a smirking glare. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, that was a great turn-out, wasn’t it?,” Sonny said, beaming.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael leaned most of his weight on Sonny, nodding as he chewed. “More than I was expecting,” he admitted. “And you really surprised me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny shrugged. “I got to talking with this guy at the end of the line and then the people that came after joined the conversation, so I just stayed in line,” Sonny kissed him on the lips, a quick peck. “You looked so good out there, I’m so proud of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Rafael teased. “You’re my number one fan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That I am,” his hold tightened. “My best-selling husband.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael hummed. He was trying not to get his hopes up too much, but Sonny was so optimistic it rubbed off on him sometimes. “Not yet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just a matter of time,” Sonny said with the same level of confidence he’d shown through this entire process, from the moment Rafael had been approached to write the book to the day the first copy had arrived at their apartment. “And you’re here just in time, Elana was about to share some great news.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elana, Rafael’s publicist, was smiling brighter than Rafael had ever seen. He still had a hard time disassociating her from the image of Judge Barth he could remember so clearly, but she’d made a name for herself fishing all the good stories out of the DA’s office and selling them to the right people for a good price. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael had been one of the first people she’d approached, eager to explore his morally grey exit from One Hogan Place. He’d been unsure at first; he’d recently signed a contract with Columbia and had a handful of lectures to give at NYU, bringing back his questionable choices could only muddy the waters.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had been Sonny, always so supportive, that had convinced him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve had your day in court, Rafael,” he’d said. “You’ve been judged, all your actions scrutinized. You laid your heart out on that stand, and they found you not guilty. This is your story, let it inspire other people, let them see that there was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>heart </span>
  </em>
  <span>in the criminal justice system.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now here they were, and Rafael had never seen any of it coming. He never expected there to be so much interest in his book to begin with, and he had no idea that people would want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>meet him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, talk to him, shower praises over him. Law students, lawyers all across the country, even ex-colleagues, came up to say thank you. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jack McCoy had called him one night to say congratulations and, in a very contrite tone, said Rafael should never have left the DA’s office, but that he was glad he did after reading the advanced copy of his book. That, second only to the proud, misty eyed look Sonny gave him once he’d finished reading it, had been the highlight of this whole experience.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, they’ve just told me that between the book signing and online orders the one thousand copies in stock have sold out,” Elana said. “And they’ve ordered a thousand more.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Holy shit,” Rafael breathed, and Elana laughed, delighted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s enough interest for an audiobook, right?,” Sonny interjected, excited.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elana nodded. “And we could get a couple interviews, too. I’ll make some calls.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Elana,” Rafael said amusedly. “But do take the weekend off.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Believe or not, I love my job now,” she smiled. “But we’ve earned some rest, you’re right.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not so fast,” Olivia said, pulling out her copy of the book from her shopping bag. “You still haven’t signed mine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael laughed lightly. “Come with me, I have to find a pen.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny was reluctant to let go of him for a moment, but eventually they parted with another quick kiss. Olivia was still looking at him with an amused twinkle in her eye, but managed to hold her tongue until they exited the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve been married for almost three years and Sonny still hasn’t stopped gushing about you,” she teased, following him back to the signing table. “He’s been praising you and the book ever since he got here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good,” he smirked. “I’ll worry if he ever does stop.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I doubt it,” Olivia handed him the book. “So, how are you feeling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Accomplished,” Rafael sighed, content. “And somehow, even after all these years, it feels like closure.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Olivia nodded, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder. “I understand,” she said. “You took control of the story.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very much so,” he said, all dramatic as he made a show out of signing Olivia’s book. “And I hope it teaches people a thing or two.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who knew Rafael Barba could be so inspirational?!,” she joked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did,” Rafael smirked, handing her the book back. “I’ve been trying to tell you for years how influential I am, but you never listen, do you, Liv?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Olivia laughed, shaking her head at him. “I’m happy for you, Rafa.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” he smiled, genuine and open this time. “I’m happy, too.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Rafael woke up to the smell of coffee and Sonny pressing soft kisses below his jaw, murmuring loving words against his skin. He let out a quiet hum, trying to sound annoyed, but he was pretty sure it came across as a moan more than anything. Sonny chuckled, nuzzling him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, Mr. Barba-Carisi,” Sonny whispered into his ear. “Today’s the day.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael’s eyes snapped open, and he found himself staring at the white ceiling for a couple disorienting seconds before Sonny leaned over him and all he could see were kind blue eyes and a sweet smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I made you breakfast,” he said. “Do you want it now or after?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Coffee,” Rafael said, voice rough and unused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny chuckled softly, turning away for a moment then returning with a steaming cup of coffee in hand. Rafael took it, sitting up to gulp the hot liquid down before he settled with his back against the headboard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He noticed Sonny’s computer was open on the bed, the browser waiting for the next command. Rafael reached for it, feeling unnerved, but Sonny took his hand before he could grab it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Before we check, I want to say something,” he started, eager. “I am so proud of you, Rafael. You worked so hard and your book is </span>
  <em>
    <span>amazing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You’re such an inspiration to so many people and no one can take that away from you, no matter what.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael smiled at him, squeezing Sonny’s hand and bringing it to his lips for a kiss. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You absolutely could have,” Sonny said, assertive. “But I’m happy to have helped.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael tried to imagine a world where he didn’t have Sonny’s support, where Sonny hadn’t called asking for help in one of his first cases that night. He pictured a world where they’d lost contact and never spoke again after his trial, letting go of </span>
  <em>
    <span>what ifs</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But it perturbed him; the thought alone was too painful, too unhappy in the face of what they had built together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew Sonny felt the same, he’d heard his husband thanking God for Rafael and for their marriage on multiple occasions, but he let Sonny’s interjection go instead of bringing up the same painful thoughts for him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did,” Rafael said. “From the beginning, you were supportive and you believed in me. You have no idea how grateful I am to have shared this with you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny smiled, sweet and small, then leaned in to kiss him. “I do have an idea because you helped me just as much back when I was starting in the DA’s office, but we can have that conversation later.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael laughed. “Now who’s eager?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Always me, obviously,” Sonny teased, pulling the computer into his lap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He quickly typed in “</span>
  <em>
    <span>New York Times Best-Sellers non-fiction</span>
  </em>
  <span>” into the search engine and pressed enter. Rafael set his coffee cup on the nightstand and leaned closer to Sonny so he could see the screen better, heart pounding and throat dry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the idea of writing a book had first been thrown at him, Rafael had kept his expectations low. The possibility of making into the New York Times Best-Sellers list hadn’t even crossed his mind then, but Elana had called the night before to say that, with their current numbers, there was a very high chance that he would.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So as Sonny moved the cursor to the first link that popped up, Rafael felt like he couldn’t breathe. He might not have made it as a judge like his </span>
  <em>
    <span>abuelita </span>
  </em>
  <span>wanted but this, this was truly gratifying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here we go,” Sonny said as he clicked on the link. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael tried to keep his breathing even, controlled, until the page opened to show a huge picture of him and his book, with “</span>
  <em>
    <span>#1 in Non-Fiction</span>
  </em>
  <span>” in bold, big letters. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny </span>
  <em>
    <span>shouted</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the computer flying off his lap as he threw himself at Rafael. “I knew it, I knew it!,” he kept chanting, bouncing on the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael had no choice but to shout back, bounce with him, tears filling his eyes. “Oh my God,” he half-yelled, half-laughed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ladies and gentlemen,” Sonny said to no one, opening his arms wide. “A show of hands for my best-selling husband, Rafael Barba-Carisi!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny started clapping, loud and excited, and Rafael laughed and laughed until he couldn’t breathe anymore. He bowed to Sonny’s cheers, thanking him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let me see that again,” Rafael said, looking around for the computer. It’d somehow survived Sonny’s antics, and the screen looked even brighter now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stared at it, reading the headline over and over again. He checked that it was, in fact, his name on the page, his face, and his book. The tears came once again, and Sonny gathered him in his arms tightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did it,” Sonny whispered, pressing kisses into his hair. “You did it, Raf, you’re a best-selling author.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did it,” Rafael said, nodding. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Mami</span>
  </em>
  <span> is going to lose it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, she’ll </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>shut up about it,” Sonny chuckled. “She’ll tell literally everybody.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael leaned his weight on Sonny. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this happy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love </span>
  </em>
  <span>this cover so much, it’s so sexy,” Sonny said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once Rafael had said no to his own picture on the cover, the designers had been hard at work to produce a worthy cover art. It’d taken a lot of back and forth, but what they’d gone was, indeed, gorgeous. It was a soft-touch deep burgundy cover with the scales of justice, tipped completely to one side, in gold foiling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael’s name was right at the top of the page, followed by the title, in curvy cursive, also in gold. He was proud of that cover.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And this man,” Sonny continued, grabbing one of the copies he’d kept on his nightstand and turning it over to look at his author picture, tracing his fingers over it. “He’s even sexier.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael laughed. “Yeah? And what about the dedication, is that sexy, too?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny flipped to the dedication page, and his face softened the way it always did when he saw it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>To Sonny, for being sunshine in my darkest times, </span>
  </em>
  <span>it said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, that’s the tender part,” Sonny said with a toothy smile. “Like aftercare.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t help but laugh again, pushing the computer aside so he could lay down, pulling Sonny with him. They laid side by side, Sonny still holding on to his book, and Rafael cuddled up to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, when they reprint a second edition it’s going to say ‘New York Times Best-Selling Book’ right here,” Sonny said, pointing at the space above his name. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You really think they’ll want a reprint?,” Rafael asked, wondering if this was all part of a dream or a very long, elaborate joke. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny turned to look at him. “Raf, your book is selling out </span>
  <em>
    <span>everywhere</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they’ll </span>
  <em>
    <span>need </span>
  </em>
  <span>a reprint.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“New York is not </span>
  <em>
    <span>everywhere.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure about that?,” he joked. “You have to start believing this is really happening.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael looked at him, trying to find any part of Sonny that might not fully believe what he was saying, something that betrayed his real thoughts. But, as always, he saw nothing but Sonny’s earnest disposition, his kind eyes and beautiful, beautiful soul.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just then his phone started ringing, and Sonny’s smile was like a pure beam of sunlight. “I bet that’s Elana with congratulations!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he was right, of course. Barth’s name was flashing across Rafael’s screen and he picked up the call after throwing Sonny an exasperated look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, Elana, how are you today?,” Rafael greeted, exaggerated and obnoxious.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Elana laughed. “Hello, Rafael. I take it you’ve seen the list?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Congratulations!,” she said. “I knew it was just a matter of time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I appreciate all of your help, Elana,” Rafael said, switching his phone from one hand to another when Sonny started nuzzling his neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, we’re just getting started,” Elana said. “The publisher has invited us to dinner and a show tomorrow night so we can discuss the details of an audiobook deal. Sonny’s invited as your plus one, of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael hummed in interest. “What show?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hamilton. Your favorite.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sonny hasn’t seen it yet,” Rafael said, and the man in question tilted his head up to look at him, curious. “Tell them we’ll be there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fantastic. I’ll see you tomorrow, Rafael. And congratulations again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you. We’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, then hung up and put his phone aside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny smiled at him. “We going somewhere?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How do you feel about dinner and a show tomorrow night?,” Rafael asked, nonchalant as can be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds nice,” Sonny said softly. “Is Barth paying?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The publisher,” he said, running his fingers down Sonny’s arm in a slow caress. “They’re looking for an audiobook deal.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I knew it!,” Sonny whooped, kicking his legs in the air. “God, that’s gonna sound so damn good, your voice is so soothing and sexy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael laughed. “Is everything sexy to you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When it comes to you, Mr. Barba-Carisi, absolutely,” he said with a grin, then leaned in to kiss Rafael. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny was always generous with his affection, but with everything that had been happening lately, all the good news and personal achievements, Rafael felt like he was floating away into a magic reality where he felt so much happiness his feet never touched the ground again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He buried a hand in Sonny’s hair, feeling the soft strands run through his fingers. He opened his mouth to Sonny’s kiss, letting him lead when their tongues met. He sighed, happy, when Sonny sneaked a hand under his shirt. All of it grounded him, every touch kept him centered in reality. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>his reality, no matter how many times he told himself it was too good to be true, and he wanted to be present for every single part of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael could understand now why people wrote books, why they chose to express their feelings through writing. More specifically, he understood the need for fictional stories where the authors somehow managed to put all of </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>into words. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the way Sonny touched him, the way he made him feel, the way life was so full of surprises. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew now why there were books about finding light at the end of the tunnel, about hitting rock bottom then climbing back to the top. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And most of all he understood that the light, sometimes, was a person.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe Rafael was going to write another book after this one was completely done, he thought. After the audiobook and the reprints and the interviews, maybe he could sit down and start working on another one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This one wouldn’t be non-fiction and it wouldn’t be about the most traumatizing experiences he’d ever had, it wouldn’t even be about his time as a prosecutor. It would be about the light; it would be about the person who had helped him out of rock bottom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael thought he might just have it in him to write one of those romances that made people </span>
  <em>
    <span>crave</span>
  </em>
  <span> the feeling of falling in love, of finding </span>
  <em>
    <span>the one</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sonny looked down at him then, breaking their kiss. He brushed their noses together and smiled, that boyish little thing that made Rafael’s heart stutter every time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” Sonny said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, too,” he replied, and pulled Sonny down for another kiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael was going to write another book. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I didn't like that they made Barth a defense attorney so I changed it because I can.</p>
<p>You know, I've wanted to be a writer ever since I was 13 (I'm 25 now) and I went into journalism so I could tell stories of people doing amazing things, overcoming adversity, much like Rafael here. The dream of publishing a book someday is still very much in there, but this, this is truly gratifying *wink*. Let me know how you like this! In a way, I hope every barisi writer can see a little bit of themselves here.</p>
<p>Now I'm officially in the Christmas mood! See you soon with some jingle bells and barisi christmassy fics!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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